Hello irl friends, internet amigos, and complete strangers! Kinda looks like monthly is gonna be the trend with me, yeah? I’ve (finally) got some stuff on my mind and have been drinking (lightly) so it’s definitely time for an update!
Hi. This is me from the day after I wrote this. Still gonna publish. Also this is your angst warning. I’m gonna rant about my life a bit and it’s gonna be vague and cringey and take you back to crappy early 2000s era blog days.
The music which has been colouring my life lately is… more varied than usual. I’ll stick to just two of the more normal ones, but if you guys want to know what the others are just say so and make a separate post with the whole long list and explanations of each.
So, I take summer classes. Pretty much always have, probably will forevermore. Well, technically I’ll graduate eventually, but that’s not the point. Maybe I’ll go back for a higher degree, or maybe just for my own personal amusement and betterment? Probably not, but who knows?
Anyway, that’s been most of my summer really. I’m quite accustomed to the crunch of summer classes and this one is actually pretty relaxed, so it’s going well. In the class, I’m quite fortunate to be surrounded by familiar faces, including some people I actually really like. One particularly awesome woman comes to mind, though I get the feeling she’s a bit over-burdened. I’m not completely sure why (we don’t have that much in common), but she makes me think of a better, more useful (and female…) version of me. Also, the teacher is a pretty good-looking guy, so at least on the more boring days there’s some eye-candy to keep me, em… engaged. 😉
The actual class is fairly easy so far, though it’s heavily dependent on a group project (eh) and presentation (oh look, almost literally my least favourite thing to do!) so there’s still time for me to regret every decision I’ve ever made in my life up to this point. I don’t think it’ll go badly though, since my group is made up of competent seeming people. They’re all familiar faces and I know how they work well enough that this is probably the only (graded) group project I’ll have ever had where I didn’t need to carry the team! Overall pretty good vibes.
In my personal life, such as it is, there’s at least one relationship with which I don’t know what to do. Under any other circumstances, I’d say I should cut my losses and give up. I don’t so much mean I’d eject the person from my life entirely, but the way I interact with them isn’t helping either of us and I’m pretty sure it’ll end badly at some point. I could just be being pessimistic, though. Nothing bad has happened so far but… it’s just painful and the stagnation is making me miserable.
This has been going on for a while, but I keep hoping it’ll change even though I’m not really doing anything to help it along. I guess I’m just having trouble moving on.
By the way (and somewhat relatedly) I’ve gone back to feeling melancholy since my last actual life post so that’s good. Not. I was going for the cold detachment I used to enjoy, but that was largely dependent on being able to just pretend that all people suck (I knew it wasn’t true, it was just a convenient excuse). That pretense doesn’t hold up so easily when I’ve got a decent amount of people around me who I know for a fact are good, and least a couple who are definitely incredible. So instead, I get to feel sad. Woo, fun.
Part of that has to do with what I mentioned in an earlier update about how my family likes to suck up all my free time. I had hoped they might, y’know, not do that as much since they’ve all been getting busier as well and should, in theory, have been too busy to bother me. Oh boy was I wrong! Instead they’re just handing off random tasks to me because they’ve got soooooo much stuff to do now. I should have seen this coming (and actually kind of did) but I figured I was just being pessimistic.
That actually ties back into the relationship I was talking about at the start of this section because, while I’d like to think I’m being pessimistic, the reality is that I’m usually right when I have bad feelings about things and in the back of my head I know that all too well.
I kinda wanna curl up in my bed and have a good cry, if that’s ok? I haven’t really just gone ahead and had a nice long cry in a while so I think I’d feel better if I did, but at the same time I’d still need to figure out what the actual problem is and fix it so I don’t have to cry regularly just to feel ok.
Oh hai, it’s me from the next day again! I did not, in fact, have that cry. Instead I spent a few hours feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how feeling sorry for myself isn’t helping anything. 0/10 would not recommend.
Otherwise, I don’t have much going on directly. I keep watching anime, and have finally got through Naruto (I did skip the filler) and am up to ep 40 or so in Shippuden. Got caught up on My Hero Academia (always awesome), and watched out Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online and Noragami (S1 and S2).
I was taking a little break from Naruto, so that’s why I’ve got the other shows on the list above. GGO was really cool in a very different kind of way, and was actually much better in my opinion than regular Sword Art Online. I particularly appreciated the fact that all the women were actual (mostly psychopathic) characters, rather than than just cutouts. As for Noragami, while it was good, Hiyori (the main female character) was not really useful so… I didn’t like that. Not so much in a feminist “wHy ArEn’T tEh WiMiNs AlL-pOwErFuL” way, but more because she was (ostensibly) an actual main character and got hardly any real plots after the start of the series. Interesting story though, what with all the gods and so forth. The action scenes are really flashy and cool too!
Despite technically having more time than I did earlier this year, I haven’t been playing video games very much. I enjoyed some Fortnite when it came out on Switch (I actually got to being half-way decent at it!), and went searching for extra moons in Mario Odyssey. I also played out one of the AC:O DLC areas, but that was before the summer semester started.
The last thing I’ve been doing otherwise is slowly reading through a big book of H.P. Lovecraft stories I have. Such good horror even though he was a terrible man. I don’t miss the overt racism or the excessive wordiness of sentences, but there’s no denying that there was a charm to that older style of writing.
The only other minor topic is that I started investing my cash since I wasn’t really spending it and while the returns aren’t great yet, I didn’t expect it to since I’ve got a pretty large amount in volatile stocks and the market’s been all over the place lately (thanks DJ!). At least I’ve actually got positive numbers though, I know people who’ve been found inventive ways to lose money consistently throughout the whole year and I feel so sorry for them. They should switch to ETFs or bonds or something. At least then they’d not come out behind.
My summer is pretty boring otherwise. I mostly haven’t done much except sit around and watch the news, or a random show or old film and just while away the hours until I’m summoned once again. (If you’re reading this, you aren’t one of the dreaded summoners)
So yeah, ttfn. Maybe I’ll be back soon? Who knows.
Either way, thanks for bearing with me and the full-fledged return of the angsty post. I’d promise to try to tone it down, but honestly that’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. I’ll try to put a warning at the top though, that way you can skip it if you don’t want to read more of the typical “sad girl blog” posts.