What do I do next?


Hey peeps, how’s it going? Normally when I post I just kinda go on a rant with all the random stuff I’d been thinking about since the last post. I’ve had a pretty large amount to say, and I just went ahead and didn’t even bother to think first. This time will be (a little) different, since I’m not so interested in whining about my life as I am about changing it.

Regarding music, I dunno. I’m vacillating between more anime tracks and… something else, so I’ll just do both (one’s in the full post)!

Continue reading “What do I do next?”

Haha lol I thought I would post more often!

Hello irl friends, internet amigos, and complete strangers! Kinda looks like monthly is gonna be the trend with me, yeah? I’ve (finally) got some stuff on my mind and have been drinking (lightly) so it’s definitely time for an update!

Hi. This is me from the day after I wrote this. Still gonna publish. Also this is your angst warning. I’m gonna rant about my life a bit and it’s gonna be vague and cringey and take you back to crappy early 2000s era blog days.

The music which has been colouring my life lately is… more varied than usual. I’ll stick to just two of the more normal ones, but if you guys want to know what the others are just say so and make a separate post with the whole long list and explanations of each.

Continue reading “Haha lol I thought I would post more often!”

Weird Dreams Last Night

Oh hai! It’s been forever and a half (actually about a month) since my last post, but I promise I have been writing! I’ve got several drafts right now because I keep having ideas, writing about them, then abandoning them for other new ideas. 😜

Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to discuss. No, this one is a life-related post (about dreams I had last night), so it’ll actually go up in a timely fashion. But first, since this is a life post, music above the fold!

Anime covers? Again? Of course! Who ya think I be? Anyway it’s a good summer song.

Full disclosure: I’ve never actually watched Dragon Ball Super. (Don’t hate me… At least not for that.)

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Farewell Spring!

What’s this! A life update? But I thought we weren’t doing those anymore!

You thought wrong. We are doing them, they just won’t be angsty like before. They’ll be a new kind of angsty! 😉

But seriously, this is a life update.

The semester has finally ended, and I’m free!*

*freedom lasts roughly three weeks, during which many domestic tasks will need to be completed.


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Something I had on twitter earlier

This is gonna be one of those thoughts posts where it doesn’t make sense. If you’ve got an idea about what this stuff means, please comment below.

I watched a fire burn until it died out. There was still plenty of burnable fuel, but the fire had completely used up the oxygen.

It still tried to burn. The embers glowed pathetically and the odd spark flickered, but there was no way to regain its fiery might.

The most direct route is an easy one to follow, so sometimes one must take a detour to maintain privacy along the way.

Seeing the trails others have walked and knowing the path they took are different things unless you have done the same.

These were on twitter earlier, but I decided to move them here instead. It just felt right.

Apparently I’m a pretty typical Scorpio

I have loads of stuff to do, some of which is even time sensitive! so I really shouldn’t even be thinking about blogging right now. That’s not stopping me though, no siree!

Instead of cleaning, like I should be, I’ve been reading about zodiac signs, particularly my own (Scorpio). There are a lot of stereotypes out there about Scorpios, and just as many people complaining that they aren’t accurate. I can’t speak for everyone, or even many-one, but I can say that most of what I’m describing fits me almost perfectly.

Continue reading “Apparently I’m a pretty typical Scorpio”

Oh yeah, definitely burnt out

Since before the start of this semester, I’ve been feeling listless. I was grinding along in my job and grinding along with my family, just doing what I had to to keep it all going, but none of it really felt meaningful or even particularly enjoyable. That didn’t actually improve any with the start of this semester. As a matter of fact, it just got worst because, as I’ve mentioned before, my family has increased their demands on my time since then. Nothing actually changed with their overall life situation, they just decided I need to give them more of my time.

This is more or less how it’s gone throughout my time at university. I try to focus on my classes, they keep trying to drag me down, I scrape by and keep my grades up, repeat. I put up with it because they help with the financial aspect of things, but it’s getting ridiculous now. I barely have time to do my assignments these days, which is one of the reasons I quit my job of two years earlier this semester. (I was planning to quit anyway, but would have done so later instead)

Now finals are just around the corner, I’m behind on several assignments (including a term paper), and I have no idea how I’m going to manage this time. The only good thing about the situation is that it shouldn’t happen again (at least now quite like this), since I only have two non-full-time semesters left before finishing my degree.

Through it all the only real escape I’ve had is a small study group I’m involved in which provides an acceptable excuse to get away from my family for a while. Participating in the group hasn’t been as helpful for my grades as I’d like, but I’m not doing it for that reason anyway. No, the real reasons are as I said above (to get time away from my family) and because my contributions to the group seem to actually be helpful.

Even so, it’s a bit too much now. I haven’t had a break in over two years and it’s finally caught up with me. Even these posts are starting to wear me down. This is something like the fourth post I’ve made saying basically the same thing, and I’d really like to stop the repeats sometime soon. Even if things don’t change in an appreciable way, I’d like to adjust my outlook between now and my next life-related post.

I used to be different. In between my time as a NEET and now, I was efficient and cold. I (truly) didn’t care about anything and would just work like a machine to achieve my goals. Or at least, the goals set before me. I miss that. Somewhere along the way (actually I know the exact date, but if I say it it may give someone the wrong idea), I started to think I could get more from life. While that’s probably true, it looks like it’ll have to be later on rather than right away. Thus, I’ve got to find my way back to the almost mechanical mindset I used to have. The particulars of my situation weren’t much different back then, but I was less unhappy and right now that’s all I want.

Most likely I’ll not make many life-related posts for the foreseeable future, so any of you who care probably won’t get any updates for a while. I should still post on a semi-regular basis (~1/week), but for the most part it’ll be about my other interests instead of endlessly going on about my frustrations in life.

See you later, and have a good weekend!